My husband drinks: what to do, reasons, signs and mistakes

The problem of alcoholism in families is very common in many countries. According to statistics, every third woman faces alcoholism in her husband; it turns out that there is an alcoholic in 30% of our families - this figure is frightening. At the same time, the husband’s alcohol abuse has a detrimental effect on the entire family, and a large number of such families are already becoming a social problem. Families where a man drinks are more likely to become socially disadvantaged, and children in such families suffer. Let's try to figure out why my husband drinks and what to do about it.

The main reasons why a husband starts drinking

First of all, it is worth distinguishing between everyday drunkenness and alcoholism. The first is drinking alcohol for pleasure, and the second is addiction. However, by drinking for pleasure, a drinking man has a high chance of becoming an alcoholic over time. The reasons why a husband starts drinking are as follows:

1. Entertainment. Many people start drinking alcohol at parties, in company, for mood. A beer at a picnic in the summer, a glass of champagne on New Year’s Eve, or a cocktail or two at a bar on the weekend – it would seem that there’s nothing wrong with it.
2. Traditions. Men in our country grow up in a culture of constant drinking: it’s customary to drink on holidays, if something significant happens, the first thing you need to do is get drunk, and people in company are distrustful of a person who doesn’t drink.
3. Communication. Drinking helps you join the team, loosen up and feel more confident. Many men find it difficult to meet a girl without alcohol; in this way they overcome shyness.
4. Stress. In the post-Soviet space, it is not customary to go to a psychologist, and culture imposes on a man the image of a brutal, masculine male who does not have psychological problems and does not share his experiences. Men are often emotional and sensitive, but are forced to hide their feelings, and drinking becomes the only way to cope with stress. This is a common reason for the onset and development of alcoholism.

How to understand that your husband has become an alcoholic - the main signs

Many men drink alcohol from time to time, for example on holidays. It happens that they go overboard. When should you start worrying? This question is often asked to psychologists by the wives of such men. Only a doctor can make a diagnosis of alcoholism. There are warning signs, when they appear, it is time to take action.

Regular use

If a man drinks not occasionally, but often and regularly, for example, on weekends, this is already a cause for concern. If your husband drinks every day, even a little, this is a sign of addiction. It is also important what drinks he drinks and in what quantities. Two liters of beer every evening is a lot.

Alcohol tolerance and withdrawal symptoms

Alcohol is toxic to the body. The first cases of use result in severe intoxication, dizziness, nausea and vomiting. People call this "not knowing how to drink. "Over time, tolerance, that is, resistance to alcohol, increases, and a man can drink more. This is how withdrawal symptoms appear, or a hangover - feeling unwell the next morning. In the final stages of alcoholism, tolerance to alcohol decreases again - to get drunk, a small amount of alcohol is enough, literally "sniffing the cork. "And the withdrawal syndrome becomes pronounced and painful, there is a strong craving for alcohol and a desire to have a hangover - drink a little to relieve the pain. The habit of a hangover becomes a kind of transitional point, after which severe alcoholism can develop.

The appearance of binges

Binge drinking is the continuous use of alcohol over several days (3 or more). At the same time, the drinking husband enters into a special cycle of drinking: every morning he feels bad, gets a hangover, then drinks during the day and again becomes very intoxicated, and the next morning he feels bad again and everything repeats again. With prolonged use of alcohol, mental disorders appear, for example, alcoholic delirium - "delirium tremens", a state of altered consciousness, accompanied by severe agitation, anxiety, fear or aggression, and hallucinations.

Personality changes

Regular drunkenness leads to gradual personal changes that are invisible to loved ones, but addiction specialists are well aware of them. Such changes include:

• Increased irritability and difficulty controlling anger;
• Weakening of will, inability to resist cravings;
• Self-blame, guilt and loss of self-esteem;
• Inability to take responsibility for one's actions;
• Lying to loved ones and self-deception.

Over time, an alcoholic man turns into a kind of adult child: he is not responsible for anything, cannot control his actions, it is impossible to count on him - after all, at any moment he can get drunk, forget about agreements, spend money or even show aggression towards loved ones: In this case it becomes dangerous. A sober alcoholic repents of his drunken actions and experiences strong feelings of guilt, anger at himself, or frustration, which again prompts him to drink alcohol to distract himself from these negative emotions. He understands that something bad is happening, but he can't do anything. Often, wives of addicted husbands say about them: "he’s so good when he’s sober, but when he drinks, he’s a different person. "

Social consequences

Usually, the relatives of a drinking man hide his addiction from others until the last moment. But there comes a time when it is already difficult to do this. The alcoholic misses work or makes serious mistakes that get him fired. When drunk, he can commit various offenses or get injured. A person who drinks regularly gradually loses self-control and becomes very unpleasant: friends and even relatives turn away from him. Gradually, those around him begin to avoid him, and his entire social circle is limited to fellow alcoholics. If this happens, it is very difficult to get out of such a vicious circle.

Mistakes that wives often make with a drinking husband

Psychologists call wives of drinking husbands "codependent. "This term means relatives of addicts who are in close contact with them and whose psyche also inevitably changes. Their behavior changes in such a way that, even against their wishes, contributes to the development of alcoholism. Here are the main mistakes that wives of alcoholics make:

1. Accusations. Of course, the behavior of a drunken man and its consequences do not please their wives. They try to influence their husbands - they scold, nag, appeal to their conscience. Thus, they only support the feeling of guilt - one of the main causes of alcoholism.
2. Attempts to hide the problem from others. Quite often, a wife covers for her husband in front of relatives, comes up with excuses for her superiors, and solves all problems herself. Or insists that he drinks at home, locked up - it’s safer.
3. Supporting the lifestyle of an addict: the wife scolds her husband, but can help him "recover his health" from a hangover, gives him money for drinking, looks for him among his alcoholic friends and brings him home. Sometimes she drinks with him - out of the idea that this way he will drink less.
4. Pity for the husband and faith in his promises to stop drinking: they are never fulfilled.
5. Ignoring the problem: because the husband is good when he doesn’t drink, the wife resignedly tolerates his drunken behavior.

Often in codependent families one can observe a situation where a wife seems to be struggling with her husband’s alcoholism - she shames him, tolerates him, gives him ultimatums, deprives him of money or sex, and starts scandals. But at the same time, all her attempts have no effect: the husband only drinks more and more, and the wife has a harder time. But she receives a lot of sympathy from acquaintances who are privy to the situation. Compared to her husband, to those around her, such a woman looks like a great martyr; people sympathize with her and empathize with her. She uses her husband's alcoholism to justify her own problems and failures.

What to do if your husband drinks every day - advice from psychologists and narcologists

If your husband drinks, the worst solution is to endure this problem, "carry your cross" and do nothing. Of course, a woman can always file for divorce and leave. Moreover, a drunkard husband often brings more problems to the family than help, resources and money. But you can try to get rid of addiction and save your family. All those close to an alcoholic need to be patient: it will be difficult.

1. The most important thing is to eliminate alcohol from family life. Completely and forever. Don't forget that there are no former alcoholics. To avoid provoking, let there never be alcohol in your house again.
2. Most likely, the husband will not admit the problem and will not show a desire to be treated until the last minute. Sometimes, after a frightening or painful experience, a drinker wants to quit, but then his resolve weakens—until next time. Narcologists can help – cleanse the blood of toxins, relieve a serious physical condition, improve your well-being with the help of medications. Next, a psychotherapist should work with the addict, since psychological dependence is more difficult to overcome than physical dependence.
3. It is important to establish contact. Talk to your husband, find out why he drinks. But you don't need to become a psychologist for your husband. It is better to entrust mental problems to a specialist.
4. Change your environment. All alcoholic friends who drag the recovering person back into their swamp should be cut out of your life.
5. Don't take it all on yourself. Don't give your husband money, don't hide his problems in front of your relatives. Remember that you are human too. Take care of yourself, your life should not be built around a family problem.
6. Don't shame a man and don't feel sorry for him. If you see that he is trying to get out, you can help him and support him in all his good endeavors. But be adamant if he reaches for the bottle again.

Remember that it is difficult to solve the problem of alcoholism in the family alone. Seek help: from narcologists, psychologists, support groups.

Traditional methods of treating alcoholism

All treatment methods can be divided into medication and psychotherapeutic.

With the help of drugs, doctors can:

• Relieve hangover;
• Improve well-being, support the functioning of internal organs;
• Cleanse the blood of toxic substances - alcohol breakdown products;
• Reduce the craving for alcohol consumption - so-called replacement therapy.

Psychotherapy methods help reduce psychological dependence. These include:

• Coding: the doctor instructs the addict not to drink, otherwise something bad will happen to him. Previously, the method of drug coding was also popular - a special capsule was sewn under the skin of an alcoholic, which, when alcohol entered the bloodstream, would release poison, leading to the death of the patient.
• Classic hypnosis: the psychotherapist gives a directive not to drink or desire alcohol. This method is similar to coding, but is a little gentler, since it does not include an imminent threat to health or life if used.
• NLP, or neurolinguistic programming: the specialist uses the patient’s perception channels – auditory, visual and tactile – to reinforce the desired reactions in him and reduce the craving for alcohol.
• Complex therapy (psychoanalysis, CBT, Gestalt approach): a psychotherapist deeply analyzes the psychological problems of the addict and indicates ways to solve them, helps to learn new ways of behavior.

Alternative medicine

Non-traditional methods of treating alcoholism include herbal remedies that cause a strong reaction in the body when used together with alcohol. For example, the dung mushroom, tasty and harmless, even with a small dose of alcohol causes severe nausea, vomiting, fever and palpitations. With prolonged use, the active substances of the mushroom accumulate in the body and are not completely eliminated, providing a characteristic reaction to each alcohol intake. This method has long been used in villages to heal alcoholics from addiction.

To relieve the painful condition of alcohol intoxication, folk remedies are also used: a decoction of mint and lemon balm, St. John's wort, bay leaf, apple cider vinegar, honey, a mixture of cabbage and pomegranate juice.

All kinds of conspiracies and slander about water "so that the husband does not drink", prayers, reprimands against drunkenness are also used - these methods are popular among the people, but their effectiveness has not been proven.

Is it possible to force your husband to stop drinking without his consent?

Some wives, seeing that their husband is not going to stop drinking alcohol, try to wean him off the bad habit on their own without his knowledge. For example, they add some medications to food and drink. This is quite dangerous, and doctors do not recommend doing this.

To quit drinking, an addict must want it himself, realizing that alcoholism is destroying his health, relationships, and life. But this doesn't happen often. Addiction changes the psyche in such a way that the alcoholic strives to never stop drinking.

However, there are things that the wife of an alcoholic can start doing at any time to make her husband stop drinking, and which depend only on her. She needs to realize her position as a victim and change her way of thinking. Start changing what you don’t like in life, don’t tolerate what you don’t like, respect yourself. Do not solve other people's problems, do not take responsibility for another adult. It is important to remember that alcoholism is not a disease, but a harmful addiction that destroys life and family. In order to change yourself and start thinking more about yourself, you may need long-term work with a psychologist.

How do you know when it’s time to seek help from a narcologist?

There are several characteristic signs by which one can definitely say that addiction has gone too far and cannot be overcome without professional help. These include:

• Frequent, regular use with a painful hangover;
• Lack of control over the amount of drinking (once a man starts drinking, he cannot stop);
• Drinking alone at home (quiet drinking at home can later lead to severe alcoholism);
• Lies and hidden bottles of alcohol (husband tries to hide the fact of drinking from his wife);
• Multi-day binges from which the drunkard can no longer recover on his own.

All these signs indicate the development of a dangerous stage of alcoholism, when the addict needs urgent professional help. Relatives of an alcoholic must send him for treatment, otherwise his addiction will rapidly develop with the most severe consequences, even death. There is no need to endanger the life and health of all family members; it is better to consult a doctor promptly.